{"id":39450,"date":"2021-02-28T09:56:11","date_gmt":"2021-02-28T17:56:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hivi.life\/?p=39450"},"modified":"2021-02-28T12:43:19","modified_gmt":"2021-02-28T20:43:19","slug":"chronic-illness-mary-jane-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/awmanimator.com\/hividemos8890\/chronic-illness-mary-jane-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Chronic Illness, Mary Jane & Me"},"content":{"rendered":"
Content Warning: suicide, mental health, chronic pain, abortion<\/em><\/h6>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been smoking pot for 18 years.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s one of the longest relationships I\u2019ve ever had, with \u201cMary Jane,\u201d and things are going really well. We\u2019re pretty non-monogamous, but that\u2019s half the fun with cannabis \u2014 sharing it with others.
\nI also have endometriosis.<\/p>\n

Endometriosis (endo) is a chronic illness that affects an estimated 200 million<\/a> people worldwide, but numbers are likely higher. It occurs when tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows elsewhere in the body<\/strong>. Endo lesions have been found<\/a> in every single part of the body, and symptoms include chronic pain, digestive issues, pelvic pain, painful sex, fatigue, and infertility.<\/p>\n

It takes an average of seven to nine years for diagnosis, which can only definitively be done via laparoscopic surgery, and often symptom management is lifelong. Excision surgery \u2014 that is, surgery that removes endo lesions from the root rather than ablation, which burns them off \u2014 is currently the \u201cgold standard\u201d<\/a> of endometriosis treatment.<\/p>\n

My diagnosis came ten years ago this November, after more than a decade of suffering debilitating period pain, ovarian cysts, chronic pelvic pain, severe depression and anxiety, and consistent medical gaslighting.<\/strong> I forced my way into a diagnostic laparoscopy, and the surgeon performed ablation on the endo lesions they found.<\/p>\n

Like many with endo, I took birth control for most of my teenage and young adult life which (sort of) helped mask symptoms throughout school. When I stopped taking the pill at 28, the 13 years of hormonal consistency petered out and all of my symptoms returned with a vengeance.<\/p>\n

Not long before that, I\u2019d taken a break from cannabis because of increasing anxiety and paranoia related to unfamiliar chest and pelvic pain. I was having regular panic attacks and it was severely impacting my life. Before legalization in Canada, I was always at the mercy of whatever my dealer-at-the-time had on hand. I\u2019d definitely never heard of terpenes or cannabinoids, but all I knew was suddenly it wasn\u2019t hitting me the same way any more.<\/p>\n

I soon discovered an endometriosis support group<\/a> in Toronto that helped me find a specialist and get my medical cannabis authorization. Not to mention it opened me up to a whole world of other humans with endo that I couldn\u2019t imagine existed. That\u2019s really when everything changed.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Maia<\/p>\n

I immediately started devouring anything and everything I could on endometriosis and cannabis \u2014 articles, books, activism, history, sexism, cultural significance, cannabinoids \u2014 and learned all I could about CBD and THC, terpenes, methods of consumption, plant life cycle, you name it. I was thrilled that with CBD there was the potential for me to not only manage my endometriosis pain, but maybe dip my toes back into the soothing waters of THC I missed so much. I am a pothead at heart, after all.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I had excision surgery in November 2017, where this surgeon found significant lesions in my pelvis and on my ribcage. That was too risky to remove, so I was sent on my way and advised to try getting pregnant, or to come back if I started coughing up blood. Seriously.<\/p>\n

After that, cannabis became my primary method of pain and symptom management. But it hasn\u2019t been without its ups and downs.<\/p>\n

~
\nLiving with endometriosis impacts a person\u2019s work, friendships, romantic relationships, self-worth, physical abilities \u2026 the list goes on. Medical and personal gaslighting<\/a> can make you feel like you\u2019re not worth taking the time to listen to or be cared for.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not true.<\/p>\n

I spent two-thirds of my life believing that the world would be better off without me, because it felt like my pain wasn\u2019t worth acknowledging. Multiple attempts to end my life, months on end of depressive episodes, a loss of identity \u2014 this was my world and I didn\u2019t know how to even try to go about figuring out how to get out of it.<\/p>\n

So I talk about it. And write about it. And get f*cking loud about it.<\/p>\n

Cannabis helps me do that.<\/p>\n

I write about endometriosis and cannabis<\/a> most of the time. Last year, I wrote a love story about endometriosis and cannabis<\/a> because I was desperate for a way for people to understand what this plant had given back to me. I didn\u2019t know how to process the possibility that I\u2019d been self-medicating all of those years without realizing it, feeling ashamed of it, keeping it in secret.<\/p>\n

When a surprise pandemic pregnancy<\/a> totally derailed my entire sense of self and what I wanted in life, cannabis was there to bring me back to who I was, what I wanted, and how to take care of myself. It was instrumental in dealing with the physical and emotional trauma<\/a> of my abortion, not to mention nearly two decades of having my reality dismissed by most of the people around me.<\/p>\n

\"Maia<\/p>\n

Weed has brought me back to myself time and time again, and anyone who knows me will probably be annoyed that I suggest it for everything that ails them.<\/p>\n

The community, caring, and creativity<\/a> I found in cannabis informs everything I do. I smoke weed to be able to eat in the morning, to fuel the creative process or process difficult emotions. I take CBD and THC oil, infuse my own for topicals and suppositories, use it in food, and use it to connect. I use it during sex (solo or otherwise), when I\u2019m in pain, or when I just wanna be fuckin\u2019 high and laugh my ass off.<\/p>\n

Nothing connects me to myself and others the way cannabis does. It helps me understand the synergy between body, health, nature, and each other. It brings people together, starts conversations, settles arguments, heals pain. Cannabis even has exciting therapeutic potential against COVID-19<\/a> \u2014 and still, stigma stays.<\/p>\n

Communities like HiVi remind us of the power in shedding stigma and telling our stories<\/strong>. Learning from others and finding shared experience is how we change the narrative around cannabis \u2014 and endometriosis! And virtually anything else that exists!<\/p>\n

Perhaps legalization makes it easier for folks to talk about cannabis use, but stigma, shame, and propaganda is so woven into society\u2019s understanding of it.<\/p>\n

Like many fellow potheads or casual cannabis consumers, I\u2019ve faced judgment from people in my life because of stigma. I\u2019ve fought with people I love and lost some, and it hurts. But what I\u2019ve gained is so much more than that.<\/p>\n

\"Maia<\/p>\n

Living as someone with pelvic pain, the world teaches us that there\u2019s something wrong with us. If sex is painful, it\u2019s our fault or it\u2019s up to us to deal with it anyway. BUT, don\u2019t talk about it, because that\u2019s shameful.<\/p>\n

The irony in all of this is that cannabis and stigma may go hand-in-hand, but it\u2019s thanks to cannabis that many people like me are able to finally shed the shame that stigma causes in the first place.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being a pothead is part of my identity. So is being a person with endometriosis. Both of those things have contributed to a lot of the suffering in my life, but they have brought untold joys. Both of those things make me worthy of love and respect, and I finally believe it.<\/p>\n

Maia Leggott<\/a> (she\/they) is a loud, vulnerable & shameless activist and writer living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Her life with endometriosis, depression and ADHD informs her identity, work, life, and passion to break stigmas around cannabis, chronic illness and sex. Find her on Instagram @hiya.maia<\/a> for lots of cannabis and endo content \u2014 especially during Endometriosis Awareness Month in March.<\/h6>\n
Photographs by Devon Banfield<\/a>.<\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Content Warning: suicide, mental health, chronic pain, abortion   I\u2019ve been smoking pot for 18 years. It\u2019s one of the longest relationships I\u2019ve ever had, with \u201cMary Jane,\u201d and things are going really well. We\u2019re pretty non-monogamous, but that\u2019s half the fun with cannabis \u2014 sharing it with others. I also have endometriosis. Endometriosis (endo) …<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":39454,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"spay_email":"","mc4wp_mailchimp_campaign":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[214,332,120],"tags":[163,176,200,201,225,242,333,334],"class_list":["post-39450","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-activism","category-sexual-health","category-culture","tag-self-care","tag-activism","tag-stigma-free","tag-community","tag-sexual-health","tag-women-in-weed","tag-endometriosis","tag-higher-up"],"yoast_head":"\nChronic Illness, Mary Jane & Me - HiVi<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How cannabis taught me to love myself despite a lifetime believing I didn\u2019t deserve it. 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